Details: An event for anyone interested in making erotic film (or just rubbing shoulders with those who do). There will be a panel on erotic cinema (porn?), free cocktails, and a live DJ, which I guess is better than a dead one. OK, bad joke.

And the names (links NSFW)!

The deadline for film entries is June 30, and the grand prize is $1,500 from Good Vibes. I thought they were strapped for cash? Guess not.

IXFF Exposure Party [Center for Sex and Culture]
via SFist

First, Good Vibes gets thumbs up for having porn on demand. I like my porn online. Moreover, I don’t like to shell out $40+ for the porn I like–I know, I should be supporting women-directed, queer, diverse, independent porn. But I can’t afford that, not when I cringe at spending more than $5 for a lunch.

So. Back to my point. On demand=good. Having easy access to the porn is plus points in my book, but I had a few problems (technical and otherwise) with Good Vibes’ VOD.

Now, Good Vibes has a great selection of porn. As soon as I got my 200 minutes credited to my account, I was raring to check out all the porn I had set my eyes on. The only problem? Not all the titles listed online are available for VOD.

The Crash Pad? No.
Superfreak? Nope.
Any of the volumes in the Crash Pad Series?! Oh, wait, lemme see…that’s a negatory.

I hope you like Belladonna. Like, really really like Belladonna. Not that I have anything against that, but I wanted to see something from the Pink & White crew.

I did manage to catch Madison Young’s latest, Lesbian Life: Real Sex in San Francisco. I skipped to the good bits, enjoyed what I saw (hot!), but I didn’t get to finish it. No–I know what you’re thinking and that wasn’t that reason. This brings me to my next point.

Maybe it was something on my end, but my computer and the VOD did not seem compatible at all. I used the updated Windows Media player, but after about 2-5 minutes of cunthappy times, the video would go all schizo: green tint all over and an upside-down image. Try as I might to make out naughty bits in the porn, it was not worth the effort. Plus, green pussy? Not a turn on.

It’s a shame, really. At 10 cents/minute (if you buy 200 minutes), it’s a steal and very good option for people like me, who like to watch porn instantly on their computer, who prefer not to buy a full porn, and who only watch minutes at a time anyway. I hope that more titles will be made available to VOD soon, otherwise it’s back to picking through questionables over at pornhub for me.

I chose the Cyberskin Realistic Dildo in vanilla for a few reasons:
1. I am a visually stimulated person, and cocks are hot. I can’t do dildos with smiley faces on them.
2. I wanted a cock that felt like a cock.
3. Size does matter, and I wanted something that wouldn’t require too much effort (i.e. lube and prep) on my part. The Cyberskin dildo came in at 1.5 inches in girth.
4. It had balls. Billowy balls!

When I first opened the box, I have to admit I was a bit disappointed. The color seemed a bit off (too much pink and pallor?), and the shaft seemed rather floppy–I don’t know how much control you’d have over the toy if you used it on someone else.

The dildo is much more a solo toy, as the balls make it difficult to fit into a harness, but that was just fine for me. Despite my doubts in the beginning, I found that this dildo could make me come in a matter of seconds. Even though it’s not curved for the G-spot, it certainly stimulated me just fine. That said, though, I’m not sure this would be your toy of choice if you find it difficult to come vaginally or through penetration alone (but you could wrap one of those stretchy vibrating cock rings around it to change that).

The shaft turned out to feel hard enough, and while it was wrapped in a condom, it felt just like the real thing. The Cyberskin won’t fool you, but it did feel a lot nicer than even a quality silicone dildo. And then the balls…oh the balls! They feel soft and squishy, and if you take the toy all the way in and then fuck yourself senseless, the balls feel so comforting and real (if balls were, of course, naturally hairless and smooth). They don’t sway, per se, but their density and texture help stimulate the clit, butt, and thighs.

The only real cons about this toy don’t come from its construction but from the nature of having such a toy. The Cyberskin attracts all sorts of dust and debris. I dropped the dildo on the floor and it rolled underneath the bed, and you would not believe how much hair it retrieved (idea: use as lint remover?). Also, it’s porous and can never be 100% cleaned. It is absolutely necessary to wear a condom over the toy, which kinda sucks because 1) condoms cost money and 2) the condom takes forever to roll down this dildo and I want to get off NOW. Rubbing some cornstarch on the dildo, though, can keep it from getting too sticky.

Overall, it’s a keeper but not an absolute favorite. The prep time needed for this toy (lubing up self, picking off lint, applying condom) is actually greater than how long it takes to get me off, but that’s not too bad a gripe. This toy is great for people who want to come from getting fucked by a cock–sans vibration, undue noise, and creepy smiley faces.

I took Introduction to Feminist Theory in my first semester at UC Berkeley, and even then I was plagued with the issues of praxis, action, and activism. Of course it was theoretical, being a theory class and all, but what was the application of what we learned? How do you take Judith Butler’s gender/sex manifesto to the streets?

There was also The Vagina Monologues, in which I participated in 2007. Our production centered itself around a cunt community, a safe space of women. FemSex, too, posits itself in this space. They have both been life-changing and empowering experiences, but neither have shown me how to deal with the real world outside our circle.

Often in FemSex we bash on what society does to women, how it perceives women, how it discolors sexual experiences and sexuality and self-expression. What we don’t talk about so much is how we are apart of this very social fabric. OK, so we say “partner” instead of “boyfriend/girlfriend.” We ask people what pronouns they prefer. We eliminate “hey guys” from our vocabulary. But most of the time we’re already preaching to choir or at least the people who are willing to be converted.

How does one take what we’ve learned and apply it the world outside the campus, outside the community? I’m not trying to be cynical here. Throughout my career at Berkeley, I’ve only ever been in discussions about what is fucked up with the world in which we live–never what we can do to change it or how we can implement a feminist, sex-positive agenda.

Attending FemSex’s Queer Porn Panel today, I see a way to shape society into a more queer-positive (and feminist, sex-positive) state. But how much fucking and orgasms do we have to film? Will saturation of the market alone (and frankly, right now it’s mostly local) fight the prejudice and hate?

Maybe a sex blog is enough. Change the way we have sex, change the world? Queer it up, and the world will be rainbows and cupcakes. Maybe I have high expectations, maybe I’m rather impatient, but the work I’ve done doesn’t seem much at all. I’ve considered my sex columns feminist, but activist has never crossed my mind.

More than three years have passed since FemTheory, and now I see safe space as a safety net that won’t always be there for the Real Deal. Still it’s hard to re-read the sex column emails and comments calling me slutty and dirty and horrible. I put on a brave face, but when I’m left to confront what’s really out there, I can’t hide behind a mask. Sometimes what’s still left to change inspires me. Other times it keeps me down. I’m still teething.

Monday I had a talk with my mom about menstrual cups, and her reaction was very typical: ew yuck. A few years ago, that probably would have been my reaction too. In actuality, though, I’ve found my cup to be much cleaner than tampons and certainly more so than pads.

Here’s how mine works: fold it up, insert into vag. It pops open, and then you twist it around a bit to get an air seal going on. Leave it in for 10 to 12 hours. No tampon can do that, honey. When I’m ready to empty it, I go into the shower. Reaching with a finger to press the side of the cup in to release the suction, I insert my thumb and flex my PC muscles until the end of the cup reaches my fingers. Then I pull and voila! Empty the sucker out straight down the drain, clean it, and it’s good for another use. It’s so cool to know you can store shit in your vag.

Cups can last for years, and even if you haven’t yet been hit by the green movement, you can’t deny that it’s saving you tons of moolah. I go through half a tampon box a month. So…

$8 box of pussy blockers x 6 (for the whole year) = $48
$30 cup (for the whole year) = $30
Savings: $18/yr

I’m down with that.

One side note: The cup has taught me a lot about my vag already. I’ve realized the DivaCup is the perfect fit for me because my cunt is long and narrow. It’s hard to fit more than 2 fingers up there, but I can’t even reach the end of it…and I don’t have short fingers. Also, I have to push my cup up a little further because my G-spot sticks out too much, making it uncomfortable and squished with the cup sitting alongside it. Yeah, I know, boo hoo.

For more info on menstrual cups, check out: Menstrual Cups LiveJournal Community

Hysteria
Once upon a time, there were a lot of hysteric women. Doctors diagnosed women as “hysteric” for pretty much any symptom: depression, irritability, loss of appetite (food or sex), insomnia, anxiety, nervousness, faintness or abdomen/pelvic problems. Basically, any sort of nervous disorder. These symptoms, the Greeks once believed, were caused by the floating of the uterus, just wandering around in the body. The word “hysteria” comes from the root “hystera”–the uterus.

Doctors in the 19th century called for a “pelvic massage.” Quite literally, they would masturbate their patients to orgasm (the vagina, mind you, not the clit). All this massaging was getting tiring for the good ol’ docs, and then the way of the machine relieved their poor arms.

Vibration!
Vibration machines were brought in, though they weren’t used for just lady bits. It became a health craze, and those turn-of-the-century folks were vibrating left and right–no sexual connotation, heavens no.

Soon, smaller vibrators were sold in housewives’ catalogs among sewing supplies and other wifely odds and ends. It didn’t take too long, though, for vibrators to get a bad rap. Wikipedia claims they fell in popularity due to pornography reaching a head in the 1920s, but I don’t know if that was the only reason. Either way, they disappeared from mainstream view and polite discussion until the resurgence of a sex-positive view in the more contemporary waves of feminism.

For more old-timey knowledge, check out Museum of Menstruation’s pages about vibrators.