Carnal Embrace

Glory holes may have been a punchline in high school, but in college they’re the real deal. I don’t see why people obsess over graffiti and grout puns—what about the myth of restroom sexual deviancy?

Glory holes are usually found in rest stops, sex shops and yes, college campus restrooms. They tend to be at the end of the row of stalls, farthest from the entrance. Drilled, poked out or cut, the holes are more than a peeper’s delight. Initially, glory holes were designed for gay sex, coming from the necessity to be discreet in a traditionally homophobic society. Now, glory holes are more novelty than necessity, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Glory holes are easier to use for oral sex, as penetration can force some awkward positions. As for protocol, one Web site claims that the receiver initiates the act by sticking his finger through the hole and beckoning the other to come through. Others are under the impression that you just thrust your penis over to your neighbor. Frankly, I don’t think most people will react kindly to an uninvited member.
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Christine, my close freshman friend was recently sexually assaulted. How can I help her heal and cope with the situation? How do you suggest I (or we) best approach, punish or deal with her assaulter?

—A survivor and friend

I respect your concern for your friend, and I wish I could have had that support when I was raped. Coming to college, rape was the one thing I feared above all. I didn’t want to be overtaken, to lose power over myself or, most especially, to become another statistic. It’s been two years now, and I still don’t talk about it. Your e-mail, however, made me realize it’s important to acknowledge and talk about the event in order to regain control.

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I admit I already had a bias when I rode the elevator up to the 16th floor, a bit jittery from waking up at the ungodly hour of eight. I had read the past Tuesday columns and an article from feminist Bitch magazine attacking Dr. Drew’s comments from “Loveline.” I couldn’t help it though—my jitters on the threshold of meeting a celebrity. The door was pushed open, sunlight blinded me momentarily and there was Dr. Drew, a halo beaming from the white crown of his hair. It was like being born again, except this time I missed getting spanked by the doc.

Along with several other student journalists, we squeezed into the suite above Union Square. I stared at the red patent leather high heels of Logan Levkoff, Dr. Drew’s co-moderator and self-described sexologist. The two held clean white binders in their laps, the Trojan Condoms font blazoned in red across the top. So this is the famed Trojan Condoms Roundtable Discussion, I thought.
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Christine, at the beginning of the semester times were tough financially and I began escorting. I did it about a half-dozen times and stopped, not because of shame or guilt but because I found my dream job near campus. I don’t think I’d ever do it again, but it’s possible if I ever need to.

I’m now starting to get serious with a guy, and I’m debating whether I should tell him about my former source of income. He’s been honest with me, and I feel like I should be completely honest with him. On the other hand, he is a good, moral guy and I’m afraid he will leave me if I tell him. I don’t think he would ever find out if I didn’t tell him, since I’ve kept that part of my life pretty well hidden. STDs aren’t an issue.

­—Working Girl

Working Girl: Escorting may have worked out for you, no harm, no fuss, but it’s always going to bite you in the ass. The money can be good, but it won’t cover up for the effect escorting will have on your future. You’re always going to have this dilemma: Should I tell him? Will he leave me because of it? It’s not going to be easy adjusting to this new hurdle in your personal life.
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“I am 38 and married, no children. She is 28 and engaged. We met in a management class that we have been taking for almost one year. There has been some flirting going on, and I get the feeling there is some mutual attraction, but no one has made an attempt to make something happen. I do want to let her know how much I am attracted to her, but I feel that if I do then she will lose interest. Maybe she just likes the flirting and attention I give her.

“She knows about my relationship problems with my wife. She has not had another sex partner other than this fiance, and I have not had the experience of being with another woman besides my wife … and it’s something I want to experience before I die. Plus, the wife is kind of a prude when it comes to sex anyway. What would be the best approach to this situation without losing a possible friendship?”

—Approaching Midlife Crisis

Midlife crisis, my ass! Don’t blame this on some sort of male phenomenon—get real with yourself. You write to me about how to approach this, ahem, friend of yours, but the real problem is something you just want to gloss over: your marriage.
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Hi Christine. If you have not already written about it, how about dreams and sex? I don’t mean wet dreams, but other dreams that have sexual meanings and experiences. It is very Freudian, worth some exposition.

—Dreaming of You

Dreaming: I’m no psych major. I’ve only directly encountered Sigmund Freud once, so I’m certainly no expert. And the one time I did read a bit of “The Interpretation of Dreams,” I didn’t get it.

Here’s the gist of what I understand from Freud: This dream is inevitably about your childhood. You’re longing for innocence again. Your mother screwed up. There’s also a phallic symbol somewhere in your dream, even if it’s not obvious.

For me, though, interpreting dreams is a very personal experience. You dreamed up the dream and your mind coded the images, so really the only expert on your dreams is you. That’s assuming, of course, that your dream even has any meaning. Like Freud said, sometimes a penis is just a penis. Or something like that.
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