Carnal Embrace

If you couldn’t find a lover to test out condoms with last week, you can go hands-solo this week with the perfect vibrating toy. This club isn’t women only—vibration can be added to almost any sort of masturbation, regardless of your sex or sexual orientation.

Forget what science told you: Bullet vibrators are the building blocks of life. It’s best to get a simple bullet vibe (and lots of extra watch batteries) and then work your way up from there. Good Vibrations sells the Magic Touch Bullet Mini, a small, sleek, bullet-shaped vibrating toy, for $12. From here, you can add masturbation sleeves, rings, strap-ons and dildos more easily than you can customize your Scion.

For some toys, you can slip in a bullet vibe at the end for extra sensation. Women can party with Rock Chick, which is 4.5 inches long and a little over 1 inch wide for $66. Rude Boy is built more for prostate and perineum stimulation and is slightly longer at 5 inches. Unfortunately, you have to shell out more for that—it’s $79 for him.
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“Christine, let’s talk about friction. Pretty much, my roommate and I are getting at the idea that all men seem to think that longer duration is better, and we beg to differ. In many cases, there’s the issue of just … running out of juice. We’re not trying to say that (every once in a while) a good long night of sex isn’t the perfect thing, but when you’re obviously done and the guy is so proud that he’s still going … perhaps he’s got the wrong idea.

One of my roommates also wonders if it is normal to be almost completely dry after you orgasm.”

—Seven Years in Da Bed

Seven Years: I agree—too many sessions of marathon sex can get rather itchy. But it sounds like your partner doesn’t know this.
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He had his finger up my ass. Actually, I wasn’t quite sure where it was. I hadn’t been expecting it. Wait, yes, that was indeed his finger. And that was definitely my ass.

Let me backtrack a bit. There was more to it than the rectal massage. I couldn’t believe it, but someone was seriously using the shocker on me. You know, “two in the pink and one in the stink”? Yeah, that one.

I wasn’t happy about it. I should have registered some sort of complaint, but what’s a polite bed-partner to do? It didn’t really call for a protest on Sproul Plaza. Perhaps a letter?

“Dear sir, I regret to inform you that your application into my anus has been rejected. Kindly remove your little-most finger from that area at the earliest possible moment. Best wishes, Christine.”
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By now, we should all know what sex is. I mean, it’s college. What else are you supposed to do in the Main Stacks? Study? (Only if it’s anatomy.)

I did a little (partially intoxicated) survey with a few of my fellow students to get a consensus on the definition of sex. It’s a bit confusing after all. As a child, I remember looking up all the “dirty” words in my mom’s Oxford English Dictionary. Sex was simply “intercourse.” What the hell is that? A cop-out, Oxford.

Without fail, all the straight males I quizzed told me sex means intercourse. Thanks, real informative. I had to coax it out of them; somewhere, I knew, there was more to sex. There had to be. I don’t have intercourse. I have sex and I fuck. Intercourse ain’t on the menu.

So we clarified. (more…)

You know why they call the regular man-on-top position “missionary”? Because it’s so damn boring. Well, at least after a while. Any position, when held for too long, can get tedious. You need to switch it up.

Read up on the Kama Sutra and learn how to stick your vajra in her lotus every which way. Can you say “Ohm yea?”

Or just participate in your own trial-and-error (and hopefully more trying than erring). Grab your partner, do-si-do, and be anything but squares in your bedroom dance. Extreme flexibility is not necessary — there are plenty of positions you can try that won’t throw out your back, dear thrustaholic.

Or let me tell you all about different positions. We’ll make it a little game of show and tell. I like that. It makes memories of kindergarten feel so very naughty. For PC purpose, I’m going to do away with the “male” and “female” partners. For today, kiddos, we’re going to have the penetrator (the one with the penis or dildo) and the penetrated (the one receiving the penis or dildo). Top and bottom will get too confusing with our array of bedroom gymnastics.

I might as well start with missionary. I don’t really hate it. It’s just that it cannot and should not be the only sexual position you try. (more…)

Just so that we’re on the same page, here’s something I uncovered from past Sex on Tuesday columns:*

Ohmygod, guys, I just found out about this amazing new thing. It’s really cool and makes guys like you. It’s called sex.

I know not many of you have heard about it. And I certainly know that none of you are doing it yet. That’s why I am spreading the good news.

Sex is what happens when you want a baby. And you’re married. It’s illegal to have sex before you’re married. Not only that, but you look like a big whore. And whores don’t get loved. Or a big fat diamond ring.

So how does it happen? (more…)