Carnal Embrace

Wikipedia is a lovely thing when you’re bored, especially when you end up casually researching things like frotting, figging and pegging. Oh my. I was on the prostate, a walnut-shaped endocrine gland for the male reproductive system. I needed more. I turned to the nearest medical expert.

“Mom,” I shouted across the house, “can a man get pleasure from his prostate?” (We run things a bit differently in the Borden household.)

She took a moment to respond. “The prostate does nothing,” she said. “It just gets cancer.” Oh shit.

Fortunately, the prostate is not some crazy cancer-magnet. Well, maybe not until you turn 40 or so. It is an abode of pleasure, your magic button. And it’s in the butt, Bob.

(more…)

Presidents Day is not sexy. You can’t role-play like you do for Halloween or cuddle up with your sweetums as you do on Valentine’s. Let’s face it. You probably didn’t even know why you got a day off yesterday.

I’ll tell you why. Because George Washington was a sexy motherfucker. Q.E.D.

Last week, columnist Scott Lucas gave you the rundown of presidential sex scandals. The scandals of sex and politics are hardly new, and their intercourse is definitely not an American exclusive either.

Politics is a game of power and manipulation, much like sex (especially sex outside of a loving relationship).
(more…)

Many people don’t understand sex because they don’t understand vaginas. To be quite honest, I still don’t understand everything that goes on down there. The beaver is a totally different creature.

I’m pretty certain I lost all the gay men about to read the column after my first sentence. Here’s my desperate attempt to bring them back: Judy Garland! Madonna and/or Cher! “Dreamgirls,” perhaps? Even gay men have a connection to vaginas. You were born from one, weren’t you? Or at least conceived through one, I’m sure of that.

The truth isn’t necessarily self-evident. Not all vulvas are created equal. (Some are more equal than others.) By vulva, I’m talking about the whole kit and caboodle, from the mons pubis (the bush part, people) all the way to the love hole. Ah, the origin of the world. You’re welcome.
(more…)