There comes a time in your years as a college student in which you just need to be alone. You need to be by yourself; you need to be left to your own devices. You, my friend, need to masturbate.
You also have a roommate who refuses to leave the room. You know there’s bound to be some coming and going in your room, and you’re not the one who’s going.
Men, for the most part, understand this. Masturbation is one of the necessities for sustaining life, along with food, water (often replaced with beer), possibly shelter, and sex with a partner, for the lucky ones. I’ll bet you that even Captain Hook found some way to –ahem– scrub his deck.