Carnal Embrace

Earlier this week I covered (or rather uncovered) the intricacies of the bosom. In a similar vein, I’d like to expand the discussion to erogenous zones (EZ is easier).

In the presumptious film The Meaning of Life, the Monty Python troupe best — and most cheekily — introduces a few EZ’s in a scene at a school. We happen upon the beginning of a most awkward sex education lecture, in which Mr. Humphrey quizzes his pupils:

Humphrey: So, just listen. Now, did I or did I not… do… vaginal… juices?
Pupils: Mmm. Mmm. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Humphrey: Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson.
Watson: R - rubbing the clitoris, sir?
Humphrey: What’s wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don’t have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.
Wymer: Suck the nipple, sir?
Humphrey: Good. Good. Well done, Wymer.
Pupil: Uh, stroking the thighs, sir.
Humphrey: Yes. Yes, I suppose so. Hmm?
Pupil: Oh, sir. Biting the neck.
Humphrey: Yes. Good. Nibbling the earlobe, uhh, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So, we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.
Watson: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

The clitoris, nipples, thighs, ears, and butt are all EZ’s, but this is hardly the entire list. Some people get turned on by any touch of the skin; others find their libido centered in just one spot.

Which one are you?

I’ve known some guys who seemed to get all their sexual pleasure from their dicks and nothing else excited them. (Well, besides the occasional striptease and girl-on-girl lipstick porn.) Truth is, there’s more to sexual pleasure than just what’s in your pants.

The mind, for example, is the greatest EZ around. Its stimulation affects the entire body. It’s your control system, after all. Touch, sight, thought are all processed in your noggin. Give yourself some head: read erotica, watch some porn, or plain talk to someone you like. Intellectual stimulation is often cited as a type of sexual pleasure. So next time you hear that know-it-all rattle off in discussion again, you’ve got my guarantee that she totally wants to do it . . . but maybe not with you.

The skin is another powerful EZ. Have your partner run his hands all over your body and you’ll see what I mean. The anticipation, the expectation, for more keeps you on your toes and your mojo on high alert. Why else do you think massages feel so good? If you get a good enough massage, you may be in for an orgasmic delight. Lower back massages for women can be especially pleasurable. Ladies, give me an “Amen!”

Ears, I’ve noticed, are sensitive for both sexes, but guys get a huge kick out of aural play. The lobes are extra sensitive: pulling, biting, nibbling, sucking, and licking all work. If you’re not afraid of a little earwax (it’s harmless really, though slightly salty), venture further into his ear paradise. Trace the curve of his ear with your tongue and lightly nibble and suck when he’s not expecting it. Roam close to the canal and give ‘im a little tongue-lashing. He’s all yours now. Add this move to sex (if you can reach his ears), and he’ll be over the edge.

Others say that the back of the knee and the armpit (especially for girls) is the way to go. I won’t spoil your little weirdo party here, but, yeah, that’s pretty weird. I’ve heard of guys who are all over pitty-fucking. Provided that she shaves. (Good luck finding that in Berkeley, kiddos.)

Nipples for both provide plenty of good time, but some guys are quite nipple-shy. One in particular didn’t like me touching his nips at all. “It’s weird,” he explained. “It’s not the same for guys.” Some, however, do like it. See if yours does: run your hands over his chest and play close attention to his man-buds. Trace circles; playfully dart your tongue at them. No harm, no fuss. If he responds, great. If not, tell him it’s your turn and let yourself get all the niptacular joy.

The EZ’s depend on the individual. Lips, genitals, and neck are pretty universal. Other sexy sites are not as common, though that hardly diminishes their power to arouse. The inner thighs are often sensitive and offer themselves to rubbing and licking as a prelude to oral sex. The belly-button, too, can be erogenous, but that just may be high school kids not knowing where to stick the wang. (Any hole will do, right?) Toes, fingers, wrists, the slight webbing between fingers, even eyeballs (WTF) are all possible candidates for special attention.

The trick is to map out your partner. Take some time to explore her body, and remember what makes her squirm and moan and beg you for more. Go on a treasure hunt, and see what you find (hope that it’s not just earwax). It’s all good, clean fun — but don’t worry if you get a little dirty digging for the booty.