Carnal Embrace

It’s Halloween, and that means only one thing: everyone has an excuse to dress slutty. Some choose the “Legs Avenue” costume: Poodle Skirt Pro, Little Ho Peep, Southern BelleSlut, Devil Strumpet, Dorothy the Floozy, Prison Tramp (just to name a few). These costumes are all in good fun — hell, who am I to discourage the blatant display of toned thighs and glittered goodies? But we’ve seen it, done it, and tapped that all before.

Instead, forget the dressing up altogether; dress down . . . down there down. Make Halloween a more intimate holiday - get fondled and felt up by your partner rather than the seedy, sweaty guy dressed as the 3rd penis you’ve seen thus far at the Castro. Stay at home, turn the porch light off, and dress to impress.

You don’t necessarily have to dress up as someone else to make your lingerie soiree super sexy. One of my friends swears by her 10,000 pairs of rumba panties: “They make my boyfriend almost come in his pants.” These panties are boycut with layers of ruffles that cover most everything but the bottom of your booty cheeks. (P.S. They make any ass look delicious.)

They sure make this chick happy.
If you do want a little bit of roleplay for your Halloween hotness, pick up a pair of blue gingham ($18 at Urban Outfitters) and be Dorothy looking for her great Wizard of O’z. Look behind his curtain at his gigantic machine, and soon he’ll be taking you all the way home.

For a beautiful, durable corset that’s equally comeworthy, shop around at Frederick’s of Hollywood. Despite its sleaziness and abundance of shiny, shimmery double-padded push-up bras, Frederick’s knows what’s up when it comes to corsets. Plan to spend about $60-$80 on a good one, but trust me, it’s very worth it.

I recommend this one in particular (the Hollywood Dream Corset) because it squeezes everything in and pushes the tits out and up. Your cup will definitely runneth over (and so will his jizz). You might need help in the corset as it ties up in the back for the authentic, slightly-masochistic experience.

Women shouldn’t get all the fun in dressing “down” either. It is equally possible for a guy to get sexy with his undies too. A quick note, however: elephant thongs won’t cut it here (Click the link if you dare. I’m telling you it is excrutiatingly painful.). For men, rather, it’s all about fabric. (Not animals - let yourself be the animal in bed, not your underwear.)

Simple silk boxers are incredibly hot. They feel so smooth that your partner won’t be able to resist. Black works well for everyone, though striped and other dark-colored boxers are good options too. Choose red if you’re daring, but stay away from any hokey heart boxers. Amazon.com has a tremendous selection of all types of boxers, including (get this) ManSilk. I love it.

Classic, 100% cotton can also be sensual, especially for a chilly night. Thick cotton boxers will retain your body heat - perfect for warming your partner’s hands. Admittedly plain, cotton is quite understated. The material makes you comfortable and therefore confident enough to greet your lover at the door, wearing nothing but. And don’t forget to ditch the pulled-up socks.

This Halloween, try a classical form of sexy. Ignore the artifice, slip into something “a little bit more comfortable,” and feed your Id’s wild desires at home. Avoid noveltywear, like one-size-fits-most edible underwear, goofy candy pasties, and disturbing manthongs. Make tonight about dressing yourself up. You don’t need a $50 plastic costume to trick-or-treat. Ring your partner’s doorbell and you’ll find all the tricks and treats you could ever want.