Carnal Embrace

The San Francisco Chronicle recently reported on a story about a semi-successful penis transplant. A 44-year-old man, who had lost his penis in some way or another (those tricky buggers, always running away, you know?), underwent a penis transplant, only to later opt for a non-penis life. Surgeons had used a donor penis from a 22-year-old brain dead man, who presumably was in no need of one. . . although (who knows?) there may have been a headstrong nurse ala Jenny Fields looking for a Garp of her own. . .but I digress. Anyway, this lucky Chinese man received a healthy, young penis - and we all are well aware of the robust powers of a lusty 20-something’s johnson.

However, his wife was not quite pleased with what he had to bring home the day after his transplant surgery. The couple complained of the “swollen shape” two weeks after the surgery, and the wife had a “pyschological rejection” of his new organ. Now, if you’re quick on the uptake like me, you could see where this could go: Chinese man. . . new penis. . . swollen. . . Shouldn’t the couple have been happy about it? Well, apparently it was four inches of a humdrum-dinger. (Yea, I’d want a new one, too).

Nevertheless, it’s quite unfortunate that the couple could not cope with the new penis. Before the surgery, the man could not urinate properly or experience certain kinds of sexual intimacy with his wife. Other than the psychological aspect to the transplant, everything was successful, but all for naught.

Although science may be able to “cure” our sexual woes - give us rock hard erections for hours, keep our eggs unfertilized, transform our “innie’s” to “outie’s” (and vice versa) - it’s not the final or even real solution. We have to be ready emotionally and psychologically, and that comes from communication.

If you want to be satisfied with yourself, you need to be able to say what you want, what you need. If you want to experience true intimacy with someone, then that intimacy must come from an open dialogue.

Now I don’t know if this couple did go through counseling or even to what extent they discussed the man’s transplant surgery, but, based on the wife’s reaction, it sounds like she did not know what they were getting into. Perhaps if they had slowly eased into a new penis there would not have been a psychological rejection. A prosthetic penis - such as a dildo or a strap-on - could have made the transition less jarring. Even discussing expectations and trading assurances could have smoothed things over.

A lot of times we expect quick solutions to those sexual problems that have plagued us for a while. We need to slow down, stop getting so antsy. (Mind you, I’m all for a rough quickie, but that’s not as serious an issue as getting a new sex organ). Sex is key to a profound intimacy, but if we are in a serious relationship or situation, first we must reach a comfortable level before we can move on to the big event.

Moreover, we often don’t realize how much our sexual organs define us. Get a Brazilian (or Boy-zilian) and you’ll see what I mean. More seriously, we are defined, identified, and seen by our gender, which, in most cases, is informed by our sexual organs. I, for example, identify myself first and foremost as a woman because I have a vagina. My vagina in effect dictates who I become, what is socially acceptable for me to wear, what hair I should shave and what I should not, et cetera. On the other hand, disfunctional sex organs make us feel useless, unworthy, or defective - these things influence the way we feel, act, and interact with others.

So learn from this story. Know what you are getting into if you are about to try something drastically different. Talk to your partners, let them know you rely on them for support. Take things step by step and seek other help if you’re feeling frustrated. If life hands you a new penis, keep it for the full 30 days before you get your money back.